You Know You're A Bad Guy When
by Stewie Shadow
Summary: Ralph talks about the characteristics of what makes him a "bad guy".


Ralph and Felix were sitting together at Tapper's drinking root beer having a discussion to get through the night.

"So, Ralph, how's the game treating you?" Felix asked.

"It's been great, Felix, but there's one particular issue that bothers me." Ralph answered.

"What is it?" Felix continuously asked.

"Do you really want to know?" Ralph asked in reply.

"I really want to know." Felix replied.

"Alright, you know I've been called a lot of names throughout my time." Ralph explained "But the most common thing I've been called is a 'bad guy'."

"But you are a bad guy in our game, and a really good one at that." Felix commented.

"Yes, and because of that, everyone has their assumptions of what a 'bad guy' is." Ralph continued explaining "I've been treated differently by other types of people due to being called a 'bad guy'. But I have my own assumptions of what being a bad guy is like. You know you're a bad guy when the biggest clothing size available doesn't fit you."

Ralph then recalled a time when he tried to put on shoes. They were the biggest size, but when Ralph tried to put his foot in one of them, he couldn't fit inside. Ralph was grunting and breathing heavily trying to get in the shoes.

"Damn!" Ralph reacted "I can't get these things in my feet!"

"You know you're a bad guy when your house looks like this." Ralph recalled.

Ralph then recalled the time he was last in his house. It was completely messy and disorganized with a bunch of items falling out of place. The last time Ralph was there, he was buried in the mess and came out saying, "Here's where I left my markers."

"You're a straight up bad guy when you leave your house looking like this." Ralph recalled.

Ralph then recalled the last time he left his house to get ready to start the day by wrecking the building. When he left, Ralph put his overalls up, dusted off his arms, and began walking in the kind of "street" mannerism type.

"You know you're a bad guy when you do these types of dance moves at a party." Ralph recalled in a giddy tone.

Ralph then recalled the last time he went to a party at the penthouse. He remembered that he led a dance move that looked partially crazy and hyperactive which made Gene look at him strangely.

"You know you're a bad guy when you hide a bunch of items inside your clothes." Ralph mentioned "Hey, Felix, do you want some chips?"

"Sure, I'd love some." Felix replied.

Ralph then began taking out some items that were inside his shirt. He had took out a large feather, a Hyrule Kingdom shield, a pile of large rings, an exclamation mark, a lollipop, a chocolate bar, and a GPS. Ralph then took out items that were in his pants which were jewelry, bananas, Luigi's hat, and then a bag of chips. Ralph had then opened the bag of chips and began to eat them.

"Do you want some?" Ralph asked.

"No, I'm good." Felix answered uncomfortably.

"As I was saying, you know you're a bad guy when you drive a car like this." Ralph recalled.

Ralph then recalled the one time he went to one of the car driving games to drive one of the cars. When he first got in the car, he drove in reverse for a few miles while looking outside the side window. Ralph then put the car in drive, and began driving off as he turned his head to the front.

"You know you're a bad guy when you do this kind of activity as a work of art." Ralph recalled.

Ralph then recalled the time he made a go-kart with Vanellope where he ended up causing a mess while using the decoration booth causing it to look messy. However, Vanellope was intrigued by the result.

"You know you're a bad guy when you're freakishly strong." Ralph recalled.

Ralph then recalled the time he was lifting weights, but while he was lying down, he was actually lifting up all of the racers from Sugar Rush who were all forming a human pyramid.

"However, it may cause you to do this." Ralph recalled.

Ralph then recalled the last time he was walking home back to his game and ended up stepping on barbed wire. Ralph winced and screamed in pain as a result, which caused him to get angry and unintentionally punch the apartment building causing wreckage. When he smashed a part of the building, a bunch of Nicelanders woke up and Ralph ran back to his home out of fear.

"And then it will cause you to do this." Ralph recalled.

Ralph then recalled the moment after that when he ran back into his house and began to hide to avoid facing the Nicelanders.

"Okay, maybe the stuff I talked about does apply to me." Ralph admitted "Especially the part about me having anger problems, but I'm going to meetings about that to get it under control. What I'm trying to say is that I'm more than just my role in the game. I'm a good guy, right, Felix?"

"Of course you are, Ralph." Felix replied "You're the best man I know. Now, come on, let's go home."

Ralph and Felix had then left Tapper's at back to Fix-It-Felix Jr. They had both went back to their respective homes after and began to look back at their time and take note about how they were becoming closer as friends.


End file.
